letters to nowhere

dear captain, my captain:

this started as a way to reach out,

but i didn’t want to overstep my

bounds ~

again … ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈).࿔*:･

see, my wish was to properly explain what’s been happenin’

here in the ol’ noggin’.

but instead,

there are texts left on read,

a letter left undone, & things left unsaid.

see, i can’t shake the feeling that this is all unfinished,

but your view of me seems to have diminished.

i think you got me all wrong, though.

if you could see past the mistakes,

& see what i see? you’d know

they were opportunities to grow.

& did i do things all wrong? yes.

but so did you, & you know that to be true.

we have so much more in common, too:

in the shadows of my mind, lurks ｆｅａｒ.˳·˖✶𓆩𓁺𓆪✶˖·˳.

see, there’s shame inside …

for the pattern that i have been

perpetuating.

all this time i could have been

elevating [ h   i   g   h   e   r ]

let it go, let it be. so, i can’t have you? i have me. & that’s really all i need.

i told myself over and over again

that i’d be damned if i chased you,

but man, did i chase you, straight to the end

& beyond …

i’m breaking the cycle,

i’m starting anew.

though we are one,

for now, we are two.

can’t you see now?

the only way out is through.

& this next part?

well, i’m leaving that to you.

🗝 here, i’m giving you the keys:

runner ˋ°•*⁀➷ chaser ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

welcome to your new role!

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ ʚand, oh, i’m ready to runɞ ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

catch me if you can! (˵ •̀ ᴗ – ˵ ) ✧

last summer, i sat on the bench in front of the creek, next to the covered bridge. i sat there and cried as the water rushed by. i thought, ‘how could a love so grand be so lacking? how could someone who looks at me with that softness in his eyes be so neglectful, so cruel?’

the only way out is through

as it turns out, it wasn’t about me. i had to wade my way through this victim mentality: shift perspectives into a new reality. it’s taken time, but now i see that fear stopped you in your tracks & when i chased you, you ran from me … and i need to be there for me in a way that you wouldn’t be. i choose me.

t h e o n l y w a y o u t i s t̵͖̼̪̘̬̫̫̭̅̐͘h̶͎̘̗͕̤̤̣͗̓r̵̪̬̒ò̸͖̥̟̹͍̾u̶͖͙̻̻̭̙̔̈́͊́̀̔͛̑̕ģ̸̡̪̥̥̻̒̒̑́͐̆̃h̶̝͕̳͎͐̓̈̈́̀̓̒̈́

and that covered bridge? well, i went back in december. my feet were bare & though they numbed from cold, i didn’t care. i dipped my toes into the creek. & i commemorated our love with poetry on the old wood inside, via sharpie. it’s there i said my ‘goodbye,’ hoping it would turn out to be an ‘until we meet again.’

the only way out is through

it was there in the cold that i reclaimed the moments i spent feeling sorry for myself, hoping a knight in shining armor would come rescue me from my life. bah! it was then that i alchemized the energy into something new. & though we do share the same sky, it’s true …, it’s me who fills my own cup. *ੈ✩‧₊˚

𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕚𝕤 t̶h̶r̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ṵ̶̡̝͙̱̣̩̂̓ͅp̸̛̱̱͝ͅp̵̳̬̘̃͘p̴̯̱̌̅̀̈

xoxo Willow ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧