Lately, I’ve been having insanely vivid dreams about a nightmarish dystopian future, where the tech is engineered to serve the elite. Drones that look like war ships patrol the skies. Ads are everywhere, even while making phone calls, which are interrupted every so often by them. People ignore the greater good and focus on brands, like they are something to be worshipped. It goes on & on. In these dreams, everyone around me is complacent and numb to it. Meanwhile, I am horrified by the new “normal.”
Plagued by these dreams & bombarded by news of the state of this country, I have been overwhelmed by this message that needs to be let out, so here it is… we all complain about the state of the country being shit & the wealth distribution being skewed to the extreme .. #eattherich. Yet we continue to consume, consume, consume. Lining the pockets of the very class we claim to despise.
More & more ads? Let’s just complain about it. But still give them our money no matter how often they raise the prices. Can’t go without streaming services, right? Addicted to TV, scrolling, whatever. Addicted to distractions instead of our passions. We buy and buy from corporations that treat their workers like shit, while postal workers are overworked and underpaid.
We work and work to afford what we can. Even though the stress is killing us, we perpetuate the system that keeps us broke and broken. They raise the prices of rent and we keep paying. They make it a pipe dream to buy a home? We roll with it .. “oh well, guess I can’t buy a house, the American dream is dead.”
They write articles about avocado toast while people are starving in the streets. Homelessness is a crime. Can’t sleep in your fucking car anymore but whatever. Watch some more TV about it, doomscroll about it, drink about it, shoot up your veins about it, complain about it … And do nothing.
The bureaucratic redtape we have to wade through to get anything done does not work, but we just go with it. So someone starves to death while they get approved for foodstamps? Oh, oops, they couldn’t go to the food bank either because you need a physical address to get food and, oop, they were homeless. But no one cares, right? Because we treat the homeless like they’re less-than-human.
Addictive drugs are a huge problem everywhere. But we shame people for addiction instead of getting them mental and medical help. We throw them in prison instead of getting them clean. But that’s okay, because prisons are just forced labor camps, created to enslave people because freedom is an illusion.
We are fed crap, we are stressed out. This leads to poor health. That leads to needing medication, which have side effects that lead to needing more medication, or complicated adverse side effects, some of which are irreversible. Meanwhile, profits are to be made at every turn, at every corner.
They teach us to spray weed killer, which poisons natural medicine and the animals and us. Which leads to more health concerns. They have us rake leaves and put them in bags, which is doing its part to destroy the ecosystem. They convince you that grass lawns are superior which is doing much the same. It goes on and on. It goes beyond conspiracy when medical debt is what it is, and people are dying every day from the neglect we face in this country’s healthcare system, and much and more?
We can’t keep going on like this. We can no longer accept this. It isn’t right, it isn’t just, it isn’t fair. We deserve better. We don’t have to put up with this shit. The people who came before us died to unionize, died to gain rights, died to fight for equality. And what do we do to honor their sacrifices? We let them strip our rights away. One by one. We were conditioned to obey, to be good little consumers, to abide by the law. When we have the right, nay the duty, to stop tyranny in its tracks.
We let them turn us against one another. They conditioned us to have opposing opinions then poked at us over and over and over, strategically tearing us apart one headline at a time. Making us forget we’re all in this together. Families torn apart.
I saw a bumper sticker on the way home from work the other day. It read, “United we stand. Divided we fall.” And, oh, are we divided! Racism & prejudice everywhere. We can’t let go of the past, on all sides. I really used to be naΓ―ve enough to believe that no one wanted segregation or slavery anymore, that we were beyond all that.
When red hat man was elected the first time, and a chunky little white boy of about 10-years-old ran through my neighborhood wearing nothing but whitey tighties and the American flag wrapped around his shoulders like a cape, pumping his fist in the air exclaiming, “White power! White power!” … well, that was the beginning of my disillusionment. I was filled with visceral fear that this was really the world I was living in.
Of course, by that point I was no stranger to white guilt, and I knew racism existed but I did not understand the depth. In 3rd grade, a little black boy in my class told me that I was personally responsible for the death of black people. He pointed an accusatory finger at me. At the time, I felt it wasn’t fair. After all, I was a child. I hadn’t done anything of the sort.
It’s possible some of my ancestors did own slaves, though I’m uncertain. I do know, however, that some of my ancestors were indentured servants, around the time the slave trade came to America. Either way, I’m not here to repeat the mistakes of my predecessors. I’m here to heal generational trauma, heal scarcity wounds, release any conditioned racism and prejudice from my childhood ..
After all, my dad tried so very hard to turn me into a racist. But it never worked. I wasn’t even allowed to watch Sister, Sister or The Cosby Show or The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air … I did when he wasn’t paying attention. If he caught me, he’d yell, “Get those n-words off my TV!” Hard R and all.
When we lived in Raleigh, NC during the first part of my 6th grade school year, I was bullied by a black boy in school. He went so far as to stick his hand down his pants and get his nasty ass germs (literally) on his hand and then stick that hand in my mouth. Dad asked me years later how I could possibly defend black people when I went through that?
One time, I told this story in the presence of a young black woman and she laughed and said, “Good! Good for them bullying the cracker.” At the time, I was appalled. I was horrified. I was embarrassed. I was angry. How dare she say that to me?
Why am I sharing all of this? Well … I have a well-rounded view–from a white person’s perspective–from many experiences surrounding race (and many more I don’t have time to mention here. There’s much more to touch upon). & I am tired of skirting around the subject to avoid stepping on toes. I needed my worldview challenged and so do other people. So you want to be mad at me? I have no power to make you mad. Your anger is a product of your own biases, prejudices, views, beliefs, etc. I am simply holding up a mirror. That’s how this all works.
I digress. Now, I realize, I was victimizing myself, just like mama raised me to do. I never saw beyond myself. Why did that little boy feel the need to bully me? I was kind, shy, and sweet to everyone. Why was every white kid in a predominantly black school bullied? Called names like “cracker” and “snowflake?” Harrassed just for the color of our skin? Maybe it was some sort of karmic justice?
Why did that woman feel the need to laugh at me when I shared a vulnerable story from my childhood about how I was mistreated? I have no idea what she went through to get to the point where that was her response: to laugh at my inner child. I am so privileged in my not knowing. But I strive to be compassionate towards her, and towards that little bully, and towards anyone who has a similar mind.
I mean, it was certainly learned behavior that stemmed from centuries of bad blood. As a child, I didn’t understand that. As a young adult, I didn’t understand that. I can’t possibly truly understand what it is like to be in their shoes. But I can have compassion all the same. & I can work to dismantle these conditioned prejudices within me, work to tear them down anytime I notice them surface. Now, I know it’s my responsibility to do that for as long as I need to do so. And every white person should do so.
I can’t speak for black people, obviously. But the prejudice on either side of the issue can be dangerous, and is certainly unproductive to the growth of a better society. Perhaps, it’s their responsibility as well, to heal from their trauma and to re-evaluate biases and opinions and prejudices to become the best version of themselves. It’s easy to give into fear and learned beliefs. But to question them and rewire your brain to create lasting change? Well, that’s the solution, isn’t it? All I can do is my part, and that’s all any of us can do. We have to. Because right now. People are being stolen from their homes. The witch hunt is on for immigrants, minorities, and more.
Our neighbors are disappearing! Months ago, I sat in the backyard of the property we stayed at temporarily upon leaving The Compound, upset to find out this was happening in my own city. I literally screamed, shouted. We were surrounded by neighbors. I said something along the lines of, “People are being taken from their homes! Right here! And no one is fucking doing anything about it! Everyone is too busy watching their screens to even care.” I was hysterical. I was as loud as I could possibly be. And you know what happened? Nothing. No one even came outside to give me a look. Nothing. People had to have heard me yelling. But. Nothing. Happened. This is a problem. The Compound had its flaws but at least we were a community and we checked on our neighbors …
People cheer as they build prison camps. It’s not surprising. It’s not like we never stepped away from inequality before all of this. I was enraged a couple weeks ago at a Department of Revenue office here in Indiana because I overheard one of the employees in the back scoffing at the thought of people protesting the new Speedway Slammer, laughing cruelly at them, mocking them. I was shaking in anger, only there to pay my overdue taxes. I was stricken by the audacity of her opinion, spoken in such a public forum, and that she felt it was appropriate to voice it at all. Oh, it’s okay if it’s just “non-citizens” going to these camps? But what about when it’s your friends, your family? If they can change the rules as it suits them, what’s to say you aren’t next? Oh, or don’t you believe this is really happening?
Oh, that’s right. Fake news has been weaponized so no one knows what’s real & what’s not. Books are being burned, the internet has become our end-all-be-all for what’s true or false. “Just Google it.” But what about when Google is wrong? Oh, that’s just a conspiracy theory? How do you KNOW? When the information is being controlled, how can you trust it?!
Let’s not forget that spiritual psychosis is running rampant. People are fed by delusions that everything will be fine if they just believe hard enough, but forget that you have to integrate the shadow to bask in the light & you have to act to make your dreams manifest. You don’t get a better future by doing nothing. You don’t align with the “new earth” by letting evil people do evil deeds.
I used to be one of the delulu people who thought if I just believed hard enough, everything would change. Last year, I finally decided to get over the fear of the unknown & embrace spirituality, give that a try. Wanna know what happened? I totally lost touch with reality and made decisions that pushed away people who are important to me. I went through a spiritual psychosis. It’s taken extensive therapy to get to a point where I can admit that’s what happened. Unfortunately, it is too late & I can’t take back the damage I caused in this state of temporary insanity. All I can do is do better moving forward.
Believing hard enough for a better future isn’t enough, praying and doing nothing isn’t enough. Spiritualists & religious folk are at each other’s throats & both forget we are one. Religious figures control the masses by cherry picking Bible verses that suit their agenda, manipulating people to hate each other. Religious trauma is rampant because *gestures wildly around us*.
Lack of faith is prevalent on the other side of the spectrum. Pessimism, cynicism, nihilism, radical skepticism. Uncertainty, doubt. It’s everywhere. And of course it is! We are pumped with fear at every avenue, so we cower and let all of this happen. Don’t even get me started on lack of accountability. You know what’s worse than whatever you fear most? Standing by and doing nothing. Seeing history repeat itself right before our eyes. Inaction. It’s insidious. It takes a hold of you. Excuses. Distractions.
Few know this, but last year I was labor-trafficked (see above paragraphs, The Compound). My life has been turned upside down, batshit bonkers this past year. You want to know what I regret most out of that whole experience? Everytime I could have helped someone, could have done something … & instead chose to let fear take ahold of me and chose to do nothing. I try to live life with no regrets, but this, this I regret.
Burying my head in the sand when people around me needed help. Choosing to stay silent when my voice could have helped someone. Leaving before everyone was out of that place, knowing I left them behind. You know what? I never used to have nightmares. Until The Compound. (Nevermind that I’ve been meaning to write about the experience for months, and have remained frozen.)
When I think about that place, I’ve struggled to find the lessons, the meaning of it all. What was the point? Maybe there was none. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I don’t need to know the reason. But I do know one thing. The fact that I chose to back down and let it go? It haunts me.
And if we choose to back down, distract ourselves, bury our head in the sand? We will all be sacrificing parts of ourselves. And it will haunt us. And we will lose sleep over it. And it will cost us dearly.
I am able to say all of this to you because I have lived a very humbling life. I’ve been poor, I’ve been desperate, I’ve been homeless, I’ve been abused, I’ve been gaslit, I’ve been sexually assaulted, I’ve been judged, I’ve been cast out, I’ve been hungry, I’ve been cold, I’ve lived in squalor, I’ve been taken advantage of. I’ve seen the flaws in the system affect me personally from many sides, many times. But all of these experiences — and none of them have broken my resolve. I’ve been low and I’ve been deluded and I’ve been naΓ―ve and I’ve been many other things. But the light inside of me never extinguishes.
I know that we, as humans, are creators and artists and dreamers and thinkers and healers and doers … and what we need right now are revolutionaries. We can pave the way to a better future by applying our skills to what matters most to us. Engineer, build, construct, invent, design … a better future. A future built for all, by all–a unified future. United we stand.
To do that, we have to leap into the unknown. Say no to the status quo. Do what we believe is right & just, no matter the consequences. Uphold equity & equality & decent human compassion. Trust that the repercussions of our inaction will be worse than doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING. Act now.
If we fail to try, we lose the future. It’s not hopeless. We can do this. One step, one kind act, one brave word, one hand held out … at a time. If we sacrifice our humanity, it’s all for not. We have to wake up, stop making excuses for ourselves, make moral decisions, reduce our carbon footprint, take care of each other, reach out a hand to our neighbors, love one another, keep the faith.
We cannot keep making excuses for living life this way. It is time for a change and that change has to start right now, before it is too late. Be brave, friends. & I will try to do the same, moving forward.
Thank you for reading, space cadet. β‘ Remember the words, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Take this leap with me?
xoxo Willow Silverayne
Complete the survey in my previous post, redefining patriotism, part 2, to help us move forward toward this future. π
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