redefining patriotism, pt. 6

wow, i am so proud to be an american. … speaking of pride, what a great time to be gay in the usa! (haha, not)

hoorah, 'merica!
i'm proud to be an american, where at least i know i'm free:
 
where some men still marry a woman— only to father children with her, boink dudes behind her back, and claim he's totally "not gay." (meanwhile, they're both miserable)

where your transgender relative asks you to call him by his original pronouns, because going back in the closet feels safer than being out right now.

where your roommate goes about their day, just trying to exist— then comes home with a black eye for using the "wrong" restroom.

where your church bans your friend from playing piano at the christmas concert because they found out he's gay.

where you are resigned to be addressed by your deadname at work because "it's against company policy" to use anything but your legal name (and changing your name is scary and expensive).

where the scenarios go on and on and on ... (tale as old as motherflippin' time, am i right?)

remember those division tactics that i mentioned in previous posts? well, those are being utilized to the fullest extent possible right now. yeeeeahhhhh. next time your political party tells you not to trust a group of people, ask yourself: what’s their motive? (hint: it’s not to protect you or your family)

if you hate your gay neighbor, if you focus on banning trans people from using public restrooms, if you advocate for hate in any way, shape, or form … well, then, you’re right where they want you: letting the injustices in this country continue to run amok.

people lose their homes to natural disaster, and a senator buys a new vacation home. children starve, and the rich get richer. protestors advocate for peace, and another war is fought by the poor. someone offs himself after being bullied for being gay; meanwhile, the bully is cheating on his wife with some guy he met on grindr … the world is falling out of balance, and we go about our day like nothing has happened.

&&& if you’re looking for someone to blame? well, that’s easy. & i’m going to hold your hand while i say this: just look in the mirror … did you think i was going to say, ‘just blame donald trump’? nah, that’s not taking accountability for your own part in this, is it? what the heck are you going to do about trump anyway? complain harder?

look, i’m not saying that all of the sh*t going on is your fault. i’m just saying— all you can do is work on you. everything else is out of your control. if you’re staying silent while the country is falling apart, then you’re part of the problem.

every voice matters. even yours. especially yours. especially now.

now is the time to dismantle outdated ideologies, and it starts with you: your internal world, your social media presence, your conversations with family members who hold outdated beliefs, your daily interactions with the public.

it’s time to decide: what side of history do you want to be on?

me? i’m tired of letting fear paralyze me. it gives me the ick. i’m tired of the shame of it, stuck to me— weighing me down.

every voice matters. even mine. especially mine. especially now.

i choose to speak. i choose to use my presence to empower myself, and those who have less privilege than me (as a white american).

that’s why i decided to write about redefining patriotism in the first place. now is not the time to let comments slide, to let bad behavior go unchecked. it is time we the people be held accountable for our actions (and inactions).

it is time to stand up for our community, as best as we can! 🗽

✩‧₊˚─────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆─────˚₊‧✩

 
on the topic of pride ... moving forward, how can we engage in honest self-reflection to better support the LGBTQ+ community & heal the wounds that keep people closeted (or worse)?

internalized homophobia or transphobia refers to the unconscious absorption of negative societal attitudes toward LGBTQ+ identities, which can lead to self-doubt, shame, discomfort with one's own or others' identities, or biased behaviors—even among people who consciously support equality.

these biases are learned from family, culture, media, religion, or peers & can be unlearned through self-awareness, compassion, and intentional effort. self-reflection is a powerful starting point, but it's not a substitute for professional support if it's affecting your mental health or relationships.


★★★ reflective questions to explore internalized homophobia~
these draw from therapeutic approaches focused on curiosity and tracing origins of beliefs:

★ when i see or imagine same-sex couples showing affection (in media or real life), what immediate thoughts or feelings arise? do i feel discomfort, judgment, or a need to look away? why?
★ what messages did i receive growing up about being gay, lesbian, or bisexual (from parents, religion, school, friends)? whose voice is that in my head when i criticize same-sex attraction?
★ do i ever catch myself thinking that LGBTQ+ people are "flaunting" their identity when straight people express theirs freely? what double standard might that reveal?
★ how do i feel about my own potential same-sex attractions or those of loved ones? do i minimize, hide, or feel ashamed of them?
★ in what ways have i distanced myself from LGBTQ+ people or culture to feel "normal" or safe? what fear drives that?
★ do i hold beliefs like "it's just a phase," "they're confused," or "it's unnatural"? where did those ideas come from, & do they hold up under evidence or empathy?
★ how does my internal dialogue treat aspects of myself (or others) that might not fit heterosexual norms?
★ when do i feel most compassionate toward LGBTQ+ people, and when do i pull back? what triggers the difference?
★ how do my current beliefs about sexuality serve me or protect me? what might i gain or lose by examining or shifting them?



★★★ reflective questions to explore internalized transphobia~
similar principles apply, with a focus on gender identity and expression:

★ what thoughts arise when i encounter someone whose gender expression doesn't match traditional norms? do i feel confusion, irritation, or a need to "correct" it mentally?
★ how was gender taught to me as a child (e.g., "boys don't cry," "girls should be feminine")? how rigidly do i still apply those rules to myself or others?
★ do i question the validity of transgender identities in ways i don't question other aspects of identity (like height, personality, or neurodiversity)?
★ when i imagine transitioning or living as a different gender, what fears or judgments come up? whose societal expectations am i internalizing?
★ how do i react to pronouns or name changes? is there resistance, and what underlying belief fuels it?
★ have i ever thought that being trans is a "trend," "social contagion," or form of escapism? what evidence or personal stories challenge or support that?
★ in what ways do i police my own gender performance out of fear of being perceived as "not man/woman enough"?
★ what parts of myself or others have i hidden or rejected to fit in?
★ how do my current beliefs about gender serve me or protect me? what might i gain or lose by examining or shifting them?



★★★ how to move forward~

★ practice gentle curiosity, not self-judgment— treat these thoughts as learned patterns, not moral failures. journal regularly using the prompts above.
★ educate yourself— read books, personal stories, or research from credible sources (e.g., works on psychology of prejudice, memoirs by LGBTQ+ authors). exposure to diverse, authentic narratives helps rewire biases.
★ seek community and support— connect with affirming LGBTQ+ spaces or allies. therapy (especially with an LGBTQ+-competent provider) can be transformative for unpacking deeper roots like family dynamics or trauma.
★ challenge behaviors in real time— notice flinching, minimizing, or avoidance, then consciously choose different actions (e.g., using correct pronouns, engaging positively).
★ build self-compassion and mindfulness— practices like meditation or self-forgiveness exercises reduce shame. focus on shared humanity rather than rigid categories.
★ take consistent small actions— support inclusive policies, friendships, or media that normalize diversity. over time, this reshapes internalized views.

progress isn't linear—everyone carries some cultural conditioning. the willingness to ask these questions already shows strength and openness to growth. if this work feels overwhelming, consulting a therapist can provide personalized guidance.

this process ultimately benefits everyone by fostering greater authenticity, empathy, and healthier relationships.

(please note: i am not a licensed therapist. i am simply doing what i can for the world, as i learn to be a better human. i only want to spread the love and healing as far and wide as possible.)

want more content like this? check out the redefining patriotism series!🦅

& if you’d like your voice to be heard — & possibly be featured in next week’s post, check out the survey on patriotism & national symbolism, which can be found in part two of this series.

+ i am so much more! i am neurodivergent: i have ADHD & autism. i have blue eyes & thicc thighs. these are core parts of me, along with integrity, authenticity, kindness, creativity, and compassion. & a deep longing for freedom!

ya know, i used to want to leave the united states out of fear. and, don't get me wrong, the thought of travel is still super appealing to me. but i no longer want to flee out of fear. i want to stick around and do my part to make this country great. 

if we all do our part to end the hate? i'm sure my american dream will come true. even if it takes a while, even if the journey is hard.

xoxo willow zenora jade silverayne (they/them)

to learn about how the trump administration has negatively impacted the LGBTQ+ community, read this helpful article.